∞ 12/8/2011 (10:27pm)

There are two things in this world, the things that matter and the things that don’t.

The things that matter:
My friend’s 22 year old brother has been in a comma for two days now. They found out today that he had had an aneurysm. There is nothing they can do for him, he’s here, but just. So there the family sits in grief, around the shell of this beautiful person they love so much, knowing that this is the last night they can spend with him, knowing that when the sun rises they have to let him go. Because tomorrow morning when that sun rises they will be giving a number of people a gift, possibly the greatest gift, a second chance at life. Tomorrow when the sun climbs the eastern sky when, the pieces that he left behind will be donated, so others will live, so his heart will live on with his spirit. My heart’s broken for the family.
The things that don’t:
Here’s the thing when someone is rude to you, (and this is strictly strangers or people that don’t usually act this way) 99% of the time it has absolutely not and I mean NOT about you. They have simply had a shitty day, or maybe they’re in a shitty relationship, or just started a shitty diet. And you came alone and happened to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or over charged them, or maybe you didn’t do anything to offend them at all, what you did or didn’t do is a moot point. It absolutely doesn’t matter. Why you ask. Because it’s not about YOU, it’s completely about them. It’s about how much they’re hating life right that second, it’s about how miserable they are, not you. Because they can’t push back against a bad day, they can’t attack misery, they can’t fight fate. So all that anger and bitterness comes ripping out, tearing into whatever it can. Instead of channeling it into something constructive, like fixing the problem, instead it turns into this uncontrollable monster, it manifest as a tidal wave of bitterness and hostility, and it is sent crashing over anyone and everyone in the general area, including you. So here’s where you come in, you have two choices, a choose your own adventure of sorts, take it for what it is or take it personally. If you picked the latter you are first off wrong, and secondly you’re going to have a shitty miserable life and inflict this sort of wrath on everyone around you, so good luck having friends, relationships and such. And P.S. you’re an egotistical maniac. If you choose the first, congratulations! You are much smarter than the average bear, as well as rational and an all around good person, and most importantly right, because it was really not about you. This shows you are compassionate, a sign of selflessness. Here’s what you do, from loads of personal experience, if someone’s being rude, listen, just let them spew all the rage and bitterness, because it can’t touch you, it can’t bring you down, because in your heart you know it’s not about you, and then apologize that they are feeling this way, not that you did anything wrong, just that you understand that they are upset. I can promise you, if they usually don’t act that way, they are going to go home and feel like the biggest jack ass on the planet, and karma will owe you one. If you engage them, if you let it get to you, if you fight back, they’re going to go home and think about how that guy was a giant ass hole or that girl was a bitch. Nothing good comes of that. You want peace on earth? Start with peace on you’re block, this is how we create compassion, this is how we defuse this bomb of society. Please next time someone is rude to you, next time someone is yelling at the top of their lungs that you made their coffee wrong, next time someone completely ignores you please take your ego out of it, so you can see clearly, it’s not about you, it’s about life.

He’s talking to her again. And when he starts thinking about her, I start thinking about you. I start thinking about how terrible things ended, how much I hate you. Because I know that, that’s how she is to him, aweful. But then, I know they had to have had really great times, that they could hold on to, that they could go to, when they needed to remember and that just gets me thinking. We started out on a really high note, and at that thought, my hate for you starts slowly melting away. I begin to remember just how much I loved you. And then I know exactly how they can still be going round and round after all these years. Because if everyone hadn’t have forced you to stop calling me, if your wife hadn’t threatened to leave you. You would still be calling me at all hours of the night, and I, if I was honest with myself, I would still be answering. Every time, whispering into the phone how much I missed you, and how you occupy the dark corners of my mind. And that is just not healthy, not for me, not for you, and especially not your wife. So I thank god that my friends and family love me enough to have done everything in their power to stop you from ruining me. Not that you hadn’t already. No they shouldn’t have had to, I should have been strong enough to do it myself, but sometimes in life you need help, at that point in my life I needed help desperately. Life Lesson 3224834 you can’t go through life alone.

∞ 1 note

Nine years later standing on the same hill overlooking the same valley, the fall leaves exploding with color on the trees beneath me. I came back to this place expecting and even hoping a little that I would feel something, maybe anger, hate, loss or loneliness. But sitting in the silent calm I realized something, I realized instead that this place didn’t hold my memories or my emotions, just like it had never held you. I realized I had held you, then and now, in my heart and in my memories for better or for worse I hold onto you. The place was an innocent by-standard. But like you I had held this place, not the other way around. I had all these years placed blame on it, hated the memory of it, I had been disgusted by it, but tonight standing there as the sun set on my ignorance, this place was never to blame. You were.

∞

Fairy tales are for children.

Growing up you hear fairy tale after fairy tale about some beautiful princess with beautiful ribbons in her hair and mice and any other types of rodent that sing to her and they all live happily in some beautiful castle. One: beauty is only universal in fairy tales, two: rodents in castles are frowned upon, three: singing rodents have annoying high pitched voices. But the biggest joke of all is happy endings. Life is supposed to be happy. Endings are supposed to be sad. We all know that nothing ends happily, especially relationships. People leave you, or don’t leave you when they should. People die. Sorry to break it to you, you’re going to die, deal with it. Life changes, you make bad decisions, you don’t make decisions quick enough, other people make them for you, people walk away, sometimes you’re meant to follow, and sometimes you’re meant to let it go. Life is confusing, depressing, and hard. Why was that left out of fairy tale? Why can’t we talk about these things so they are easier to expect? Why does society feel children can’t handle the truth? So we only show them rainbows and butterflies but when they come of age we slap them in the face with life, real life. What a screwed up system.

Like most life slaps, mine came in high school, more specifically my senior year, in the form of an older boy that I had liked for years. He worked with me every year as a lifeguard in the summer time. I liked him but really I liked that he paid attention to me, like no one else ever had.

His smile wasn’t perfect but it was perfect to me.

∞

∞ 10/15/2011 (7:35pm)

It’s the moment you know you deserve something better, but all you want is what you have right now.

But it will never again be bliss, because you will never again be ignorant to the fact. It will always be there hovering in the back of your mind like a fly on a mission to bug you to death. It’ll be in the shadows of your heart threatening to overtake you. It will reside in your anger all the while slowly collecting bitterness and regret. It is ugly. It will last a life time. It will drag you down. And the only reason it is this monster that hide under your bed, is simply because you are denying it, you are denying the truth.

∞ 10/15/2011 (6:31pm)

Bahahaha… Honestly I didn’t mean to laugh in your face.

Here’s the thing about purposing to me after we’ve already broken up, duh, diamonds are sparkly and are often worn by fairy princesses, but they aren’t the fucking magic wand! Get over yourself! It’s over dummy. Get your shit and get out. I’m smart, pretty, and worthwhile. You’re a dumb, a dick and a drunk. Do the math. You need help. I need a life. If I wanted to take care of someone I’d have a kid. And definitely not with you! I tried! don’t even try to tell me I never tried. I worked hard to keep you from drowning in your own misery, I worked so hard that I started drowning in that same misery. You have done nothing for me and a shinny ring isn’t going to change that. I would hope no girl out there would ever fall for that last ditch effort. Ladies you’re better than that, you’re worth more than that, you will find someone and yes you’re lonely now but you wont be lonely long.

Here’s a little bit of what I’ve learned through the years. The girls that sit at home wanting on a guy, or missing a guy, or wishing a guy had choosen them instead of the other chick, are the ones perpetually alone. The girls that go out with there friends, live it up and flirt like there’s no tomorrow (flirt not hook up), are the ones that end up finding the one. Why? We’ll would have to say they are the ones throwing themselves out there with reckless abandonment, they’re the cool chicks, they’re the funny sassy girls that guys like. You can be the cool chick too! It’s not about what you look like! It’s your attitude. It’s really not all that hard. Go out and have a good time for the sake of a good time! Stop looking, stop sizing guys up to that guy you had once, just enjoy your life. Because at the end of the day it’s only your life that you’re wasting by waiting around. You’ll find  that special someone and if they really loves you all they want is you to enjoy your life, with them. Instead of envying the other girl for getting that guy, go out and have a life worth envying.

∞ 9/21/2011 (7:17pm)

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

∞ 9/21/2011 (7:15pm) 1 note

I’ve taken too much, given up
I am twisted, burning, breaking up
I need to find a way of letting it go
When everything falls apart
I could try, but I’d never take it
Yell and I will never be heard
You will be my phoenix burn
I could run, but I’d never reach it
Leave but I might never return
You will be my phoenix burn

∞ 7/1/2011 (10:29pm) 212 notes

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∞ 7/1/2011 (10:26pm) 124,091 notes

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